Expecting a Marriage Proposal on Christmas
He'd better come through this year!
Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost five years. We still have our separate apartments, but most of the time we stay at his place.
I’ve dropped hints about getting married for the last two years just before Valentine’s Day, my birthday, and Christmas.
Am I being too pushy? Should I propose to him? Do I give him an ultimatum?
I’m tired of waiting!
A: In five years, have you discussed the topic of marriage, even in general terms? Has he expressed an opinion or interest?
You’ve maintained separate apartments, but you stay at his place more often. Why? Is it more convenient, his video set-up is there, less effort to pack an overnight bag, or is he establishing that he is still single and likes it?
Do you two talk about plans for the future? Travel, career, relocating…Are you included in his plans? Discussions, conversations can be uncomfortable, but that’s what’s called being an adult. “Adulting” to use a almost out-of-date term.
Too pushy: After five years, having a discussion about the future, together or separately, is normal and necessary.
Have your hints included how extraordinary his proposal should be? Maybe he’s intimidated and afraid his proposal won’t live up to your expectations. Stop dropping hints. It hasn’t worked anyway.
Proposing to him: There’s no law or etiquette rule that says you can’t propose.
Is that how you want it to go?
Will you resent him for not asking you?
Are you prepared to get turned down?
Ultimatum: See questions above. If it comes down to an ultimatum, you’ll always wonder if he accepted because living life without you was unimaginable, or what you have is okay, so why not. In other words, settling because it’s comfortable.
If your relationship isn’t where you can openly, honestly, and lovingly talk about the future, you’re going to have an uphill climb throughout your marriage. Because a committed relationship is mostly about communicating.
The advice and tips I provide are for general informational purposes and may not apply to every situation. For complex or sensitive matters, I recommend seeking support from a licensed or certified professional.
I am not liable for any decisions, actions, or outcomes that may result from the use of the information or advice provided.
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